1. ACRN Presents The Body with Bridesmaid, Vit and Nyodene D
In celebration of four years of my dumb poopy radio show Kill Ugly Radio, ACRN is bringing through Providence, Rhode Island, sludge metal outfit The Body, whose latest album All The Waters Of The Earth Shall Turn To Blood made its mark on the metal community for the incredibly lush sound brought forth by just two members. The Body's music is sick, noisy sludge rock blended with elements of shoegaze and hardcore and strung together by a bevy of samples and imagery recalling the heyday of '90s doomsday cult obsession.
Opening the show is Bridesmaid, who bring forth an instrumental dueling-bass guitar blend of doom metal; Vit, whose blend of post rock, black metal and funeral doom has been lighting up the blogosphere; and Nyodene D, who sucks and is a big turd.
The show is at The Union Bar and Grill (18 W. Union) on Wednesday, May 18th and starts at 10 p.m.. It costs $5
2. The Goodbye Goats CD Release Party with Prosanctus Inferi and more at The Union on Friday, May 20th
Think Gwar mashed up with King Diamond and you've got the Goodbye Goats. Over-the-top stage antics meets over-the-top black metal. Tons of costumes, nudity, luchadores, pudding and more.
Columbus grim-as-shit, raw black metal act Prosanctus Inferi is also playing, which is EXTREMELY RARE. The Revulvas are playing too. Think EyeHateGod mixed with Bratmobile. Oh and Boxcare Burlesque will be showing off their tits. Show costs $3.
3. Forward Ohio Fest at The Union - Saturday, May 21st - 3 p.m.
Last show recommendation, but this one deserves it too. From the ashes of For Real Fest rises Forward Ohio, a new DIY fest that features everything you loved about the old FRF gatherings (including most of the same bands and Hardcore scene teddybear Ray Houska.)
Show starts at 3 p.m. on Saturday and costs $10. Tons of bands are playing including Masakari, Instinct Of Survival, Black Dove, In Defence and many more. Come get hit.
4. Archer on FX
FX's animated spy comedy Archer is streaming its first season on Netflix. Now in it's second season, this show is James Bond-meets-arrested development in it's humor, dialogue and plot, and uses the voice talent of heavyweights such as H. Jon Benjamin, Aisha Tyler, Chris Parnell and--almost reprising her role as Lucille Bluth--Jessica Walter.
5. Getting a cut on the inside corner of your lips that re-opens every time you open your mouth.
--Aaron Vilk, Promo Director